Housekeeping

[pecunium]

My post about my new girlfriend was, for those who noticed, a bit vague on some details. Not least, I didn't mention her name.

I'm not going to. The poly aspects of her life are not out to her family, and so I am not going to risk one of them finding out about it from me.

I could make a filter, and use her name behind it, but that's not fair to those who might want to comment, and it's poor security for her. It would put a burden of keeping track of the filtering of my posts before they made reference.

I've done the dance of circumspection before. Marna and I were involved before Maia and I broke up, but the poly aspects of my life were less known then, and I didn't want people to think my involvement with Marna was part of the breakup (it wasn't).

So... what can be in the open, is in the open, and what can't be, isn't. The players in my romantic life are Marna/commodorified (occasionally referred to as, "my Canadian Girlfriend), and CG (which is a shorthand for, "CrushGirl) which was the way Marna teased me about her when I started talking about her; right after we met, a year ago Friday) is the reason for my understated squee of yesterday.

If I seem to be somewhat secretive on things, that's the reason why.

Comments

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

The point, in my experience, is to find a layer of comfort that you and your partners are okay with.

There was some tension around that. I mean, I'm basically Little Ms Open Book. For various reasons, a lot of my sense of personal and emotional safety - as well as a lot of my identity - is attached to being Out [and thus safe from people who want to use personal stuff about me to get a handle on me; it's complex].

I don't, rationally or really, have a problem with how pecunium handles things, and it's not like we didn't discuss it between ourselves, but when one's discretion level and one's partner's [s'] discretion levels clash, it can be tough. Keeping the line between private and secret is hard.

There were times when I felt, pretty much irrationally, either like I was a Shameful Awful Secret (the breakup hapening at the same time did NOT help), or like I was actually inventing the whole seriousness of the thing in my own head (the breakup happening at the same time did not help, Part Two).

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

And there were times I was, slightly more rationally, tearing at my hair because I wanted to say more; and was afraid the way I wasn't saying things was causing people to make unpleasant inference, and wishing I was able (because my not being out of the Army didn't help, all things being equal) to just say...

Here it is, this is my life, and I like the broad strokes (even if some of the present details are a bit dark and a trifle unpleasant).

Thankfully I don't have to worry about that any more.

Smooches.

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

This broad likes you, too. Even if I don't get to spend NEARLY enough time stroking you. :-)

[redbird]

Oh, I get that. There were times that, even knowing exactly why they needed it, I was uncomfortable with rysmiel's need to keep things quiet/not findable online when we were first involved. I'm very glad that's no longer the case.

It helped both that I knew and understood the reasons, and agreed that they were sound reasons, and that rysmiel was comfortable being open in person and with the people each of us was actually close to.

Like you, I'm prepared to let a bit more hang out than my partners are, but we have (in each case) found comfortable equilibriums. For example, it matters to me that I'm out to my mother; since I never see and in fact have never met Adrian's mother, I don't need her to know my relationship with Adrian.