I think they missed the boat
Oct. 26th, 2008 03:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pecuniumFeministing has a post up about, "local dating' which is making reference to a post about The Case Against Long Distance Relationships at Slate.
I am conflicted. Being in an LDR at the moment, I can see some of the complaints. But what I see is a strange blindness. The cost of the LDRs is a problem of the benefits of the net. People fall for people because of who they are. It used to be LDRs were, more often than not, because one person left the area (usually for a known period, they went to colllege, joined the Navy, took a job wintering over the S. Pole, something) and the trick was to keep the spark from dying out.
But there were the pen-pals, and the common interest groups, and the like. People fall for other people. Yeah, carbonating hormones and the warm aftreglow of a great romp can lead to relationships, but in my experience, that's not the usual way of it.
And that's where the internet comes in. I know lots of people on Lj, whom I would never know in real life. I have a sense that I know them, and they have a sense they know me.
I see the same pattern happning in other blogs. Those which foster community, cause friendships. Some of those are really strong. Making Light just did an impromptu comfort gifting to two of it's members who took ill. It wasn't to cover their bills, it was to cheer them up. That's an LDR.
They are also working to raise funds for another habitue, who had a stroke, and is self-employed. That's the power of community. People have made long trips to go and help out.
The entirety of, "the netroots" which has so invigorated politics, is the same thing.
I don't see people condeming that. I don't see them saying the people who flew to Connecticut to campaign for Ned Lamont were bad people; because they were adding to the Carbon Load. There is no way to have those things, without the other. People fall for each other.
Which makes it seem the real problem isn't:
... spending all their free time out of town or staring at a webcam--that is, in their apartments or airline cabins, rather than in parks, bowling alleys, and pubs--long-distance lovers erode civic commitment and social support networks. They have fewer chances to meet new people.
Because those self-same sorts of things are seen as invigorating the national debate, sense of social connectedness (we have a better appreciation of how other parts of the country, and the world, live their lives, make their decisions and go about their business. We are said to be more connected as a result) are praised... so long as there's no sex involved.
Is an LDR hard? Yep. Is it immoral? No.
It's human.
I am conflicted. Being in an LDR at the moment, I can see some of the complaints. But what I see is a strange blindness. The cost of the LDRs is a problem of the benefits of the net. People fall for people because of who they are. It used to be LDRs were, more often than not, because one person left the area (usually for a known period, they went to colllege, joined the Navy, took a job wintering over the S. Pole, something) and the trick was to keep the spark from dying out.
But there were the pen-pals, and the common interest groups, and the like. People fall for other people. Yeah, carbonating hormones and the warm aftreglow of a great romp can lead to relationships, but in my experience, that's not the usual way of it.
And that's where the internet comes in. I know lots of people on Lj, whom I would never know in real life. I have a sense that I know them, and they have a sense they know me.
I see the same pattern happning in other blogs. Those which foster community, cause friendships. Some of those are really strong. Making Light just did an impromptu comfort gifting to two of it's members who took ill. It wasn't to cover their bills, it was to cheer them up. That's an LDR.
They are also working to raise funds for another habitue, who had a stroke, and is self-employed. That's the power of community. People have made long trips to go and help out.
The entirety of, "the netroots" which has so invigorated politics, is the same thing.
I don't see people condeming that. I don't see them saying the people who flew to Connecticut to campaign for Ned Lamont were bad people; because they were adding to the Carbon Load. There is no way to have those things, without the other. People fall for each other.
Which makes it seem the real problem isn't:
... spending all their free time out of town or staring at a webcam--that is, in their apartments or airline cabins, rather than in parks, bowling alleys, and pubs--long-distance lovers erode civic commitment and social support networks. They have fewer chances to meet new people.
Because those self-same sorts of things are seen as invigorating the national debate, sense of social connectedness (we have a better appreciation of how other parts of the country, and the world, live their lives, make their decisions and go about their business. We are said to be more connected as a result) are praised... so long as there's no sex involved.
Is an LDR hard? Yep. Is it immoral? No.
It's human.
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-26 11:43 pm (UTC)Yes. I agree.
If our only relationships are online, there might be cause for concern, but I think that's a pretty unrealistic view of things. And I know that my involvement with people online has added to my sense of connection with the world and the larger community. As you mentioned, I've met people I'd never have met in person, some of them only because we live in different places, but others because even if we lived nearby our non-electronic social circles would probably have very little overlap. My life feels richer for having more people in it, regardless of whether I've met them face-to-face, or only through a long-distance medium. My perspective has been broadened, because of their willingness to share a tiny part of their lives with me, and with many others.
I can only see this as a good thing.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 01:30 am (UTC)I may know a few other parents with autistic kids here in my small city, but the support I get from parents on LJ, for example, really makes the days bearable.
When I was concerned that my son may be facing having to live in some sort of group home setting in the nearish future (he is six), I actually found a few people who are going through that right now! Where can I find people, talk to a neighbor 'oh hey my kid is in a bad way, I'm gonna have to turn him over to some pros for help' and not let them think that I am the world's shittiest mother? You can build connections, great ones, online.
Facebook has been helping, too. People I kind of knew in passing in high school are now my biggest cheerleaders, and I hope they feel the same way about me. We're grown, and scattered, but our bonds are actually STRONGER. It's weird.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 02:40 am (UTC)