Revelations

I have often said I am not nice, merely civilised.

Going to a war, if nothing else, has made me more certain of this.

I recently found out someone I know died.

I smiled.

I never liked this person. In fact there was a brief time I actively hated him (he took advantage of adminstrative privilege to hack an account of mine and be vile).


In my life I have wanted to kill a very few people. He never rose to this level, quite, but I did hope he would do something physical, so that I might beat the living crap out of him. Ten years later, I no longer feel much of anything for him.

That I feel no grief at his death doesn't bother me. That knowing he is dead, and knowing that those who loved him (he was young, in that age where the reaction is, "this person was too young" but not so young as to be an obvious tragedy) are grieving, doesn't mean much.

In my heart of hearts I think the world is better off without him.

I almost think less of myself for this.

But not quite.

I am civilised, not nice.

Telling details

The Army is a strange and wonderful place.

I've been in it for more than 13 years, and in that time it has afforded me the chance to go places, meet people, see; and do things which just plain would not have happened outside it.

A few years ago the Army devised AKO, which is an inter/intra net. It's how I do about half od my e-mail. It is, in fact, my default e-mail because (unless I'm on a Linux box) it works wherever I am.

The splash page always has a picture. For the past few days This has been the picture.

SPC Dominic Palammo, from the 940th Military Police Company, Kentucky Army National Guard,
searches a building for insurgents in Al Hillah, Iraq, while MAJ Lawendowski, from the
Alaska Army National Guard, covers him.

 DoD photo by SPC Arthur D. Hamilton. (Released)

The interesting detail is something one needs to have been in the Army to see.

The major's right sleeve has a patch. It is, for those who care, the patch of the XVIII Airborne Corps.

The right sleeve is where one wears combat patches. I wear (or ought to, but I've been lazy and not put them one) the patch of the 525th MI Bde. These days I have some reservations about it, but not enough to switch to one of the other units I am authorized to wear. I served with them. Went through a war with them. I am, in the main, proud of being associated with them, but I digress.

The major is wearing a combat patch. That means this is his second deployment to a combat zone (because you aren't supposed to start wearing it until after you get re-deployed [which means to come home, not to be deployed again... it's Army English, and one learns to deal with it. The best way is to compartmentalise it, lest it infect one's regular speech... that way lies madness]).

Now, it tells me a lot more than that. If we assume he is wearing it properly it means he was in Afghanistan. Elements of the XVIIIth deployed to Iraq (the 173rd Airborne, the 82nd Airborne, the 101st Air Assault, the 519th MI Co, those are the ones I can think of, off the top of my head) the Corps didn't, which means the Corps wasn't there to serve under, and so no patches are available. This doesn't mean, however, that no one deployed to Iraq is wearing the Corps patch (it's a swell patch, and I'd not mind being able to wear it, but I can't, so I don't) because some commands told attached troops they weren't allowed anything else (the 82nd can be really pissy about people wearing their patch, so they told Guard troops they couldn't, and gave them the Corps' patch instead).

It also means this is, at least, his second tour. A major. He might be on his second tour in that rank, and position. That's good for his troops (units don't have combat experience, soldiers do), but it doesn't, in my opinion, say good things about how the manning of the mission is being done.