The second line is the one which I look at and say, "I failed", because the sense is there (to me) but some of the content is lost, and I can't keep the sense of action/tension if I translate it more directly:
"but perhaps this love is not yet gone from me/my soul/my heart" is just too flabby.
The sense of hope, and no desire, that the subjects affections might allow the speaker to be the bearer of that (not yet deceased) love again is also hard to express.
Were I to be more direct (May god grant you love such a mine again) I am not sure it helps, or hurts. But I am satisfied enough to publish it.
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Date: 2009-05-04 05:32 pm (UTC)"but perhaps this love is not yet gone from me/my soul/my heart" is just too flabby.
The sense of hope, and no desire, that the subjects affections might allow the speaker to be the bearer of that (not yet deceased) love again is also hard to express.
Were I to be more direct (May god grant you love such a mine again) I am not sure it helps, or hurts.
But I am satisfied enough to publish it.