Oi vey!

[pecunium]

So, matociquala has a feature, wherein she informs us of the words Word didn't know.

I have long ago given up on the grammar checker in Word being able to keep track of subject/verb relationships when an intermediate phrase intrudes, but today I got one I just had to share. I was roughing out some text, and wrote the following (clunky) sentence.

One of my film bodies is an FE2, which has no mirror lock-up, but when I activate the self-timer the first thing to happen is the mirror flips up.

It needs some work, mostly in the last half. Word agreed with that assessement, kindly offering up this version instead.

One of my film bodies is an FE2, which has no mirror lock-up, but when I activate the self-timer the first thing to happen be the mirror flips up.

Right now, I'm tending toward something like this:

One of my film bodies is an FE2, which has no mirror lock-up, but the first thing to happen when I activate the self-timer is the mirror flipping up.

Comments

[don-fitch.livejournal.com]

How about "...is that the mirror flips up."? After all, TechWriting is expected to be pedestrian.

But yeah, Word's Grammar Checker seems to be useless for anything much beyond simple declarative sentences. And I doubt that any others are significantly better, so that isn't just Microsoft-bashing.

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

Maybe.

1: it's not really tech writing, and 2: in the larger context that's less effective a phrase.

[wolodymyr.livejournal.com]

FWIW, I was going to offer "...is that the". Having a dependent clause (kicked off by that) has been foreshadowed by this phrase: "the first thing to happen". The dependent clause details that thing in a grammatically familiar way. The gerund doesn't.

Actually, you don't need the that. "the first thing to happen...is the mirror flips up."

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

A "that" is almost never needful. If one is separating things, e.g., "he lives in that house," it's just the ticket, but "which" is usually better. When used with, "the" it's almost always redundant.

Excessive use of the word is part of why tech writing is so hard to read.

The problem is we use "that" as a sort of verbal padding. In spoken english it's not as apparent, and the effect isn't as tedious.

[tablesaw]

"One of my film bodies is an FE2, which has no mirror lock-up, but when I activate the self-timer, the mirror instantly flips up."

"One of my film bodies is an FE2, which has no mirror lock-up, but when I activate the self-timer, the mirror flips up before anything else can happen."

[bohemiancoast.livejournal.com]

My FE2 film body has no mirror lock-up, but when I activate the self-timer, the first action is that the mirror flips up.

I'm British, and in UK English the 'that' is not optional here.

However, I think what you're actually trying to say is nearer to this:

Many cameras, such as my FE2 film body, have no mirror lock-up setting, but do have a self-timer cycle that flips the mirror out of the way well before the shot.

Oh yes, Microsoft grammar checker. Ho ho ho. It is never, ever right.

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

Actually, many cameras don't, it's rare enough that mentioning the FE2 is almost needful.

As to well before the shot, it's variable, as the self-timer on the cameras I know with this feature use a cocking spring, and how far one rotates the ratchet lever determines the amount of delay.

If digital cameras do that, odds are the delay is variable (2 to 20 seconds for mine). That's enough time for what I'm talking about to happen, but not "well before" in other contexts.

And I'd not use, "that flips up," but rather, "which flips up."

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

This is why I *love* the Writing Center at my school. It feels like cheating, but they encourage us to go.

I'd split that into something like One of my film bodies is an FE2 which has no mirror lock-up. However, the first thing to happen when I activate the self-timer is the mirror flipping up. (And then clean THAT up.)

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to make a suggestion--no, not because "this is what I do for pay; I don't give it away"!--because I'm not sure what you're getting at.

"One of my film bodies is an FE2, which has no mirror lock-up, but when I activate the self-timer the first thing to happen is the mirror flips up." The meaning of the "but" is ambiguous to me: does it mean "but that's no drawback because" or "but it has the weird feature that" or ...?

Maybe Word thinks you should use Ebonics; it thinks that "be," for a continuing or repetitive action (that is, the mirror be flipping up every time), would be the correct choice here.

[waterlilly.livejournal.com]

I agree. It would help those of us whose cameras are of the "point it and shoot it" variety to understand what the action here is and why it's a problem.

I would also suggest breaking this into two sentences for clarity.

[antonia-tiger.livejournal.com]

The flipping up of the mirror causes vibration, which can be a bad thing. Whne you use the self-timer the vibration has time to die away.

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

The point isn't the content of the sentence (it's part of a couple thousand words about issues relating to magnification and the difficulties it poses the photographer.

The point I was making is the verb choice Microsoft is asking me to make.

If I used the pattern they are suggesting, the previous sentence would be recast as, "The point I was making is the verb choice Microsoft be asking me to make."

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

Hey... someone who figured out I wasn't asking for advice, but pointing out the inanity of Microsofts suggestion.

I think (if I were forced to hazard a guess) it thinks I'm splitting an infinitive clause (not that I can see where it such a thing ought to be).

As to the intent, yes, the feature is such that the lack of a dedicated mirror lock-up isn't a drawback because of the idiosyncratic nature of the self-timer.