This is the quote that got me: the more decisions you make that seem arbitrary, the less they’re going to listen
That's another facet of the main guideline Russ has used in raising his daughter, which we usually cite as "don't sweat the small stuff". Russ* has never hesitated to put his foot down over something important -- but his definition of "important" is a lot narrower than that of many parents. We both strongly believe that the result of this is that she does pay more attention when it's clear that he thinks it's important. Control-freak parents erode their credibility with their kids, and then wonder why the kids don't immediately hop to when they start ranting.
* I don't get overly involved with disciplinary issues. I'm not her mother, and I don't try to be; I have the authority when I need it and Russ will back me up, but I've always been diffident about flexing that muscle.
Yep. My mother yelled at us all the time. We learned to tune her out. My father can still put the fear of God in me with a quiet voice, though he hasn't for years. When he does, it's important.
We have used the phrase "Geneva Conventions" with our six-year-old in the context of his play-fights with foam-rubber "lightsabers"--he knows that he's not supposed to attack someone who's unarmed or who has surrendered.
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(Anonymous) 2009-03-01 02:49 am (UTC)(link)I found your post via Green Knight's blog.
writtenwyrdd
http://writtenwyrdd.typepad.com
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the more decisions you make that seem arbitrary, the less they’re going to listen
That's another facet of the main guideline Russ has used in raising his daughter, which we usually cite as "don't sweat the small stuff". Russ* has never hesitated to put his foot down over something important -- but his definition of "important" is a lot narrower than that of many parents. We both strongly believe that the result of this is that she does pay more attention when it's clear that he thinks it's important. Control-freak parents erode their credibility with their kids, and then wonder why the kids don't immediately hop to when they start ranting.
* I don't get overly involved with disciplinary issues. I'm not her mother, and I don't try to be; I have the authority when I need it and Russ will back me up, but I've always been diffident about flexing that muscle.
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I don't even WANT kids. But I would have kids with that man.
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